Taking everything literally is such a blast! Someone tells me to “hold your horses,” and suddenly, I’m running a freaking petting zoo. “Break a leg?” Thanks for the hospital visit, buddy. And when you say “hit the books,” don’t be surprised if your precious novels come back with a few new creases. It’s a riot when “pulling someone’s leg” turns into an actual wrestling match, and “raining cats and dogs” makes me wonder if you’ve lost your damn mind and gone completely batshit crazy. His wife is no fun at all, he should divorce her.

Sheep puns are simply the best! They are un-baaaa-lievably funny, they wool never get old, and they always have a shear-ious impact.

Having a hairless cat is an absolute dream come true! Imagine a pet that looks like a naked old man who does not appreciate anything you do for him and silently judges you. Awesome, isn’t it?

There are plenty of fish in the sea, indeed. But you are an ugly shark. Who wants to mingle with an ugly shark? That’s right… only other ugly sharks.

If your kids ever ask you what’s it like to be a parent, you can use this method. Or you can just keep interrupting them until they start to cry. Please keep coming back to this site for more great parenting advice!

Did you know about this rare psychological disorder? Now you have it too, because currently “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is playing in your head. You’re welcome.

Everything has to be AI powered these days. Even if it makes no sense at all. How long until we see AI powered pillows or toasters?

They should have prayed harder. Or to a different deity. Humans have come up with thousands of gods throughout history. Seems that none of them got the right one.

There are lots of people with too much free time. One such group of individuals can be found at r/HybridAnimals subreddit where they spend countless hours mixing together various animals via the magic of Photoshop. Scroll down to check out our favorites!

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Here’s another joke she may benefit from: What’s the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac? This literallist takes things literally, and the kleptomaniac takes things, literally.

Who needs real doctors with their silly diplomas, years of education, and clinical experience? We live in the golden age of the internet! Why waste your time in a sterile office when you can just scroll through the comments section of any site for free medical advice?

Believe in yourself! It’s never too late to start over. Vlad the Impaler didn’t even start impaling people until his mid-30s. Vlad the Putin was mid-30s also when he began his rise to the bottom.

Also airport security workers. Terrible people. Do not like them at all. Remember, folks, taking drugs is never the right answer.

Wow, what a groundbreaking innovation we’ve been blessed with in the EU – detachable bottle caps! This will save the world, just like paper straws! How did we even survive all these years without this life-changing innovation? Hats off to whoever thought, “Hey, you know what the world really needs? Bottle caps that stay attached.” Because, clearly, the biggest problem we were facing was the devastating, catastrophic separation of bottle caps from their bottles.